How I stopped chasing stillness and embraced my chaos

May 19,2025

I wasn’t made for meditation.

I tried it a few times. But here’s the thing: the stillness felt disorienting, the breathing distracted me. And don’t even get me started on trying to clear my mind. Every time I sat down to find peace, my brain offered a to-do list, three unresolved conversations, and an urgent need to check my notifications.

Then I tried yoga, hoping that would work. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. I was the only one wobbling in downward dog while everyone else was floating through sun salutations like swans in matching Lululemon sets. Clearly, the matcha was the only thing I had in common with that retreat. What do you do when you just don’t fit in? When everyone else seems naturally aligned and you’re just overthinking, and vibrating at the wrong frequency?

Eventually, I gave up and accepted I was a misfit in the mindfulness club.

And then came the Brazilians. Not in person, sadly, but in melodies and waves of rhythm. Sergio Mendes started playing, and it was all the invitation I needed.

Somewhere between a samba groove and a bossa nova chorus, I started dancing. Not to perform, not to work out, simply because I felt like it. And suddenly, out of the blue, I was doing it. Meditation, every morning, barefoot and smiling. I was moving before thinking, feeling before functioning.

Brazilian music did what no mindfulness app ever could. It invited me to be fully present without asking me to sit still. It turned my mornings into rituals : chaotic, sensual, joyful rituals where movement is the mantra.

With love, from Sophie